pleasure gardens

2007-06-11T16:13:00.000+08:00

//Im shifting journal//

2007-06-10T15:03:00.000+08:00

my 7 year bestie - she buys me donut, cheers me up when im sad, buys me surprise presents she knows i like very much.

she should be my boyfriend. haha! kidding.

2007-06-05T22:20:00.001+08:00

Today was such a bad day. I am so extremely tired, my arm hurt so much from carrying my laptop (its practically jelly now, no kidding), i took 1 hr to get home because i stupidly missed a train (when i am already so tired), my wireless got screwed up by the schools', i spend the whole evening trying to fix it and forgo my sleep. Its finally back, this is what daddy is for right. thankgod.

I have a gems test on thurs OR friday i still dont know, research to be done by 7th july - make that 2 research, but before that i gotta start worrying bout my midsem tests. 4 papers, i hope i dont die because right now all that is in my brain is gss, chilling out, timbre pizza, kbox singing session, a couple of drinks plus maybe a dance floor, pirates 3. I feel like such a loser, almost everyone has watched it. & i dont care if everyone tells me orlando bloom is dead/worse than dead & that the movie is so disappointing. I STILL WANNA WATCH IT.

i am grumpy, but i am still VERY HAPPY!!!!!!!!

2007-06-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

I cant believe i lost another 1 kg after all the sinful cakes and everything?! eating supper at 3am, calling mcspicy, fillet and everything. I honestly dont know if i should be happy.

There might be something wrong with this body of mine. I dont want a waist that looks like its not there!!!

2007-05-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

Isnt this all you wanted? Im throwing away every single memory of u and me.

you will get what u want, player.

2007-05-27T03:59:00.001+08:00

'my only forever' is my words. dont fucking use it.

2007-05-27T02:25:00.000+08:00

i need to find my soul back

2007-05-25T02:55:00.000+08:00

OKAY GIRLS. BE VERY EXCITED. GET READY TO SPEND SOME MONEY, ITS THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALES!

2007-05-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

Goodbye to edison chen and ashton kutcher. Wentworth miller, my current obssession. He is so f***ing hot. Effortlessly sexy and charming. How can anyone look so hot!

I wish i'll never finish watching prison break. Its too good.

2007-05-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

28 weeks later. I didnt know what i was in for - gore and blood and more blood. I think kar and me were grossed out 10 minutes into the show. Its such a good show really, except the fact i was really disturbed by all the freaking cannibals. They puked out so much blood, mygod. so darn gross.

humans watching humans tearing flesh off humans.

2007-05-20T21:32:00.000+08:00

My family had a second mothers day dinner today. We went to some teochew restaurant near concourse. I dont really care about mothers day actually. I have too many issues with my mom already. She could do some help by being more understanding.

2007-05-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

Its11.42pm and im fattening myself up while watching prison break. Isnt this how life should be? But most of the time, it isnt. Most of the time, its just being alone.

2007-05-12T18:47:00.000+08:00

whenever you are feeling lonely.

2007-05-04T23:20:00.000+08:00

good days ahead, pretty sure

2007-05-02T17:31:00.000+08:00

So many times i'd ask myself why i am still stuck in this very same old spot. I dont know what is it that i am waiting for, but its no longer waiting for your explanations or for time to get past you. Time doesnt heal this wound of mine, at least not yet. Maybe what i need are confessions, stories of every single thing you did to let me down. I can hardly remember any more of our good memories, its been so long since we had any. Most of them are fading gradually, from all the disappointment tears anger hurt and pain. Im not the only one who suffered, u did too. We both deserve someone better in a way or another. Its easier and easier each time for me, to remind me that i can live without you. I know there are still times i feel like i can take on this world all by myself, but the next minute i'll be searching for you to brave all dangers with me.

I dont know, i just need u to be here no matter what we are.

2007-05-01T00:26:00.000+08:00

Harsh nights like this - i think im beginning to learn to embrace them more than to put it at the back of my head, having a bad sleep and then waking up to another day of well, life. This might keep me going on for long, but im just afraid its another one of those post argument ego that build up in me and lasts for one night. i hope not.

We are like.. I could sit for hours looking into your eyes and still not know whats inside that i am looking at. Or we could be just crossing each others path every now and then, and yet, we keep missing each other. Its something like we've always knew of and yet cant grab hold of even though we see it sometimes.

//just another one of the nights i think too much

2007-04-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to joanne love. I hope u had much fun last night, i think most of us did. Even though, we only partied for like 2 - 3 hours? we were high like anything. Zouk was absolute fun. oh, and kandi bar. the quirky furniture, very pretty lights and cute lighted floor. i like alot :)

okay! im going to have to remember to pick up my spiderman3 tickets tmr, and tues is a happy holiday!

2007-04-27T00:03:00.000+08:00

i play devil may cry, until i want to puke.

2007-04-21T16:28:00.000+08:00

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love

2007-04-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

The first week of school seems to crawl even slower then the slowest tortoise ever. It didnt felt like this last year. I guess its the 4 day school week that made a great difference. I dont know how long i can hang on, because school is making me so tired and its only the 1st week for gods sake! I am burned out, even more tired than spending 6 hours in the clubs. ya, and the thing is.. my headache doesnt go away just because i have school. its givin me such a hard time, & i cant sleep in late again tmr. OHMYGOD. Someone save me.

2007-04-18T15:53:00.000+08:00

I spent 2 hours queueing for the (much raved) donuts today. I just couldnt sit around, listening to people saying how deli-shious it is and yet havent tried one yet. Thank god for wednesdays, 2 hour lessons that ended early today. The shop wasnt even opened when i reached and there was already a queue. I read my book throughout and then time seemed to pass faster, but my feet was aching quite abit.

The reason why i'd only buy a dozen. I figured im really only interested in the chocolate looking ones and i couldnt possibly eat more than 6 chocolate donuts in 2 days. I have to say the queueing up was worth it.

2007-04-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

Waking up and going to school today was like a nightmare. A nightmare that came true.

2007-04-15T15:19:00.000+08:00

Mad partying last night all thanks to (esp) ziying & her colleagues and ed's friends. So i enjoyed my last saturday of the holidays. I cant believe sch's starting in less than 24 hours. This thought just makes m feel SICK. Anyhows, i am still thinking of the party last night! Absolutely high.

but ziying! sorry bout the dance floor thing.

note to self: take care of toenails, they are dropping off
2nd note to self: my hair still stinks despite 2 washes

2007-04-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

i should've just joined joanne & yvonne at zouk.

DAMN IT.

2007-04-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

its so hard to be happy anymore. when most of the things i want is not even material. the simplest things are the hardest to get.

i waited 3 days. and i still dont get it. how do i leave everything (every single thing) behind?

2007-04-12T15:57:00.000+08:00

i am back from bangkok. 3 days felt like forever, most probably because my sister didnt go with us and that is minus half the fun already. So i enjoyed myself walking and walking shitloads of shopping malls, (dirty) streets, alley. My appetite failed me for the past 3 days. When theres good food and my stomach just cant take in anymore. I guess my stomach's on a diet itself.

okay. i love singapore!!!

2007-04-09T02:25:00.001+08:00

i could be so immune to everything. just pass me the whiskey coke.

2007-04-04T21:23:00.000+08:00

i've got a headache before gems appointment. My body was feeling warm. Now, i've got a fucking big headache because of fucking bloody knn cb gems. Fuck the school man, i dont think this is what is called "choosing" gems because the seats available are so fucking pathetic. Oh great, i think my temperature's rising and i am going to faint anytime

2007-04-03T02:44:00.000+08:00

For now, i really wish that time will crawl like a damn turtle cause i dont want holidays to end.

idontwantidontwantidontwant!

2007-03-31T03:12:00.000+08:00

The supposedly ideal friday night.. Chilling out at Timbre but that place is close to being horrible. The outdoor setting definitely sucks. I mean, bird shit is falling down from the trees! & not to mention the tables are cramped, disorganised, wet/uneven floors and the waiters dont seem to understand english. The lighting is also sort of pathetic. They should look at rouge outdoors. Outdoors without compromising on the hygiene factor. The first time a bird shitted on me for the past 18 years. & twice in a night. omfgzzzz. whatever, at least we changed to a better seat after that. But the band, Timmy is really good and the drummer is cute so is the lead singer. Their pizzas are really nice. All else sucks. They shouldnt charge for their service when they gave us a lousy seat, forgot to give us the cheese & serviettes and then taking ages to come serve us. We were definitely not the only ones who werent happy.

But okay la, good pizza and good music. it was good altogether. Compared to MoS last sat night, i just dint feel too high that night. Being too unsure and then so unhappy due to some personal issues. Schools starting in less than 20 days. I hope the 07 people can get together for one more party night?! please.. (dont pretend never see cause i bold this!)

okay tata.

2007-03-27T00:44:00.000+08:00

what makes me happy for tonight.

2007-03-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

this is so cool, and kinda true.

interpretation!

2007-03-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

My sis and me made a very sudden decision to head down to Island Creamery today. Yay to icecream on hot days. Its bad enough that my body cant take the air con right now in this stupid weather of Singapore, cause im bloody sick again. We took a fairly long bus ride down (and which i hate very much) and tried the nasi lemak at the adam road hawker. Very delishious. We had the reverso, and nutella today and the same old horlicks flavour. These three scoops were too heavy and creamy for both of us, my heart started beating so quickly after that. A pity they didnt have the tiger beer sorbet today, i wanted to try it so badly. They should have a whiskey flavoured one. I wished i was in the cam whoring mood today, so we could get our picture printed out, decorated nicely and then pinned on the wall. They'll be having the pineapple tart flavour next week(i like!). Will someone go with me next week please... ...

I finally found a Royce chocolate store at suntec! Im so excited. My favouritest chocolate.

Ya, i hear the stupid fats calling me.

2007-03-15T02:22:00.000+08:00

I think some people really dont have the brains and the EQ. Because, i am really so damn fucking angry for once about this matter.

HELLO! i am trying damn hard to go out in peace after staying home for like one bloody week. For that one bloody week, you bunch of people have been hanging out with him for that one week already okay! Can i at least go out in peace? Compared to that damn one week u people have, i only have one day (or rather, 6 hours). Its just basic courtesy that u people dont know about. I doubt your EQ level even hits 10. Fucking hell.

People just dont understand the simplest thing.

2007-03-13T00:06:00.000+08:00

I went to the doctor's today. Its the first time i stepped out of my days for the past 4 days?
this is pathetic, and definitely so not sandra.

Yixiang calls for ladies night this week. In fact i am dying to go, but i think my body will just give way. Or rather my limbs. I even had difficulty going to the clinic today.

2007-03-11T02:40:00.000+08:00

Life has dropped to another type of rock bottom now that im idling around everyday. I've never wished this much to have a job or to go back to school. Maybe i should really go look at the newspapers tmr. But i want an office job that pays $10 per hour, has nice comfy seats, able to do online shopping and msn-ing, and also only need to pick up phone calls. ha ha. This is not impossible, because there is really such a job. Its just that im not lucky enough cause they arent hiring people now.

Maybe its true i havent been giving myself a proper rest, mentally. But I havent been thinking alot lately, have resigned to fate on certain matters and trying hard to let myself go from... ... myself. Other things are getting to me, its probably just the excessive free time that i have. It also mostly explains why i've been having really crappy dreams and like 2 in a day, cause i sleep that much. I dont like to dream of ending my own life, it freaks me out so bad. Its as though something bad is calling out.

On top of all these already bad happenings, my nose has bled for 3 days already. Its fucking pissing me off. Life is horrible.

2007-03-05T23:10:00.000+08:00

Life seems to hold a different meaning altogether now. No doubt that life changed alot for me the past 2 years. From being a really simple girl with fairytale dreams to a very cynical person, learning that reality is totally opposite in the hardest possible ways. I went through a lot of disappointments, so much that i dont know what to expect of the world anymore. At times, it felt like the whole world was about to turn its back on me and everything around were just lies and betrayals. It felt like the most unfortunate events had to happen in my life, making everything different from what i had planned years ago. Naturally, something evil seemed to brew within me. Finding it exceptionally hard to trust anyone, having a void inside me which i can never seem to fill up completely.

Of course, i had my fair share of happiness. Be it true happiness, or something false just to fill up that void within me. I had good friends who stood by me at the worst times. Its true that what doesnt kill u make u stronger and thats what i am right now, even though the littlest things could pull at my heartstrings at certain times. One thing for sure, i can never be the same anymore.

To you, I could be so harsh as u say, and as i admit. Very often or perhaps everytime, i say words that hurt you or hurt myself so much. I wouldnt even believe the slightest things u say, or things u absolutely have no reasons to lie. But please understand, this is my only and last way of protecting myself from all those shit again. I could never see u in the same light again, & i could never feel the same way i did nor talk to u the same way i used to. Its just different now.

2007-03-04T13:40:00.000+08:00

The thing is that when people grow up, they learn so much more that there is too much bad in this world. Too much bad, and too litte good people around. We all become too cynical.

2007-02-28T00:11:00.000+08:00

I dont believe in anything anymore. No, not even the good ones.

2007-02-25T18:24:00.000+08:00

this, is my new year. well at least part of it.

2007-02-25T16:51:00.001+08:00

what have i done?

i've never hated myself this much

2007-02-24T00:36:00.000+08:00

So i got fucking wasted last night and reached home 4 hours later than i am supposed to. tearing the skin on my index finger just to keep myself more sober and screaming like a crazy bitch. i think drinking has made me psychotic. the feeling sucks and i havent gotten over the alcohol even till now. seriously, i need to quit drinking already. i dont like this feeling at all when i totally lose all control of myself. I dont even know what the fuck i am doing.

im scaring myself. oh, & im terrible sorry to ones who had to carry a freaking drunkard in and out of the cab and lifting me off the ground.

2007-02-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

When i am feeling lousy enough, sick and tired. You make it worse, so much worse.
Sometimes, i'd really like to ask: Where did your heart go to?

2007-02-16T01:34:00.001+08:00

I want!!

2007-02-13T01:01:00.000+08:00

The fruit combo wasn't really what i expected since im bloody allergic to kiwi and bananas aint exactly my fave food. I was thinking apples, and marshmallows and ... i dont know. anything but kiwi and bananas. I went shopping only for 2 hours which really dint felt like shopping at all!!! Rushing everywhere just to get new heels and i dint even get to go zara. I need more stuff, somehow, i am lacking of more than a bag and i dont have anyone to go shopping with. i want more clothes.

2007-02-07T20:14:00.000+08:00

Finally. I need the sleep i missed for the past week, but that will have to wait till tomorrow cause im excited about going out later. 1 pathetic month of staying home every night already. whoopeee.

I dont know if i've been thinking too much about the way things are right now. Feeling the way i should not be feeling and trusting my intuition too much. All these makes me feel awfully upset. Im guessing half of things and i dont know reasons for it. I am too old for this shit, or rather i'd seen enough of all these. Give and take, live and let live. We should all be happy, personal issues aside.

2007-02-06T20:06:00.000+08:00

I am thinking..

victoriassecret.com
eyeliner
spending money on gorgeous clothes
heels
lots of shopping
bags
the usual f21/topshop
gorgeous clothes
gorgeous clothes
gorgeous clothes

I really just want to go and shop.

2007-01-29T18:57:00.000+08:00

The worst thing that can happen to me now (other than not finish studying blaw) is to have my favouritest heels bought in the wrong size again. Twice already! I feel like crying already. WHY?! why is my feet so wretched?

I cant bear to let you go.

But fate likes to make fun of me. boohoohoo. & this means i have to search for a bloody new pair of heels again.

p/s: please let me know if anyone wanna buy this pair of darling from me :(

2007-01-26T00:22:00.000+08:00

i laughed so much till my tummy hurt.
its been really long since i laughed like this.

2007-01-20T23:35:00.000+08:00

I need a holiday, really. But it seems like the last thing that'd happen now that exams are in a weeks time. I feel like killing myself, honestly, god knows what i do in school! Knowing my exam dates only the day before when it was out for weeks already. Hongkong seems to be calling out to me more than ever. Im already thinking dimsum, cheap bags, huge shopping malls, night markets, and cute boys.

The closest relief i could get are drinking sessions. whatever happened to them back in those days? & now, it doesnt even seem possible with everyone too caught up in their lives with their love or sweets. I need those nights back, i dont even care if they are self denial.

i dont think im going to make it for the exams.

2007-01-20T13:10:00.000+08:00

then it was that morning,

the very first thing waking up to see your face, and then smiling even though i stink. that was all it needed to make me happy.

time, u took it away from me

2007-01-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

Im nervous about going to the salon tomorrow.
Goodbye straight hair, im gonna miss running my fingers through u.

on the other hand, i cant wait!

2007-01-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

One last dance was pretty good in my opinion. It just takes a little time to think about it and voila! you got the story. I wasnt exactly in the greatest mood today, personal matters that got me really thinking hard and getting kindof pissed. But anyway, im so going to take it easy. People will learn someday.

this journal is gonna be left alone for quite some time
till then.

2007-01-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

Its been quite some time now. lets be happier.

Meeting up with my cousin was fun. Talking, laughing, shopping, still talking and laughing, and eating. I got just what i wanted from the zara sale. luckyme. retail therapy never fails to do me good.

2007-01-06T23:48:00.000+08:00

it must've been much more magnificient at that moment

2007-01-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

i miss u (so much), my fat little furball

2007-01-05T02:00:00.000+08:00

I hope this new year will be kind to me. (even though i dont really think so)

The holidays are about to be over already & sad to say, i havent done much that i've actually planned. Most of the time, im just home. on the bed, eating chips, watching teevee, and sleeping. Now i really regret wasting my holidays, nothing can be worse than that. every single day, i wish i have more time. and more money too. lets save for my dream! :))

2007-01-01T12:27:00.000+08:00

If every year were to come and go at such an alarming speed, half of my life would be over even before i realise it. I am already eighteen. This year, i will be nineteen.

how scary.

2006-12-26T21:51:00.001+08:00

Because people take away everything that u believed in for the longest time and the funniest jokes turns out that you are really the joke actually.

Because life is fucked up and this is a harsh world. Because my nights are far more scary than anyone of you. Because i've been hurt so much more by even the least suspecting people.

So now, why dont u tell me. am i to leave or to live?

2006-12-26T04:06:00.000+08:00

Everything is like a cycle. A cycle i dont want to be in, but which i cant get out. The night is still the hardest to get by.

I count you to sleep instead of counting sheeps.

2006-12-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

I think i'd do without christmas this year. A big thank you to the people who sent me their greetings. I dont really want to say it, but if i have to. then here it goes. Happy Christmas, u joyful bunch of people out there. No, i am not being bitter.

The silence over here is doing me good. Apparently the whole world has gone to celebrate christmas, leaving 6 people online, although i honestly think that they are actually away. I think its been ages since i had christmas dinner with my family. The fact that i no need to squeeze among people, dodging foam sprays. Well, that was how i spent last year's christmas eve. Time flies, i still remember last year's celebrations. It seemed like months ago only.

(Un)happy christmas to me. Goodnight

2006-12-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

My fetish for heels is coming back.

2006-12-21T09:02:00.000+08:00

Mambo nights are so not my thing. But the dance moves are amusing (in a good way) though, and it could be quite fun to stay for a couple of hours. A pity we didnt get to go phuture, so we went down to momo and stayed till early morning. It was so so so much better over there - good music. The crowd at zouk was crazyyyyy, and i dont even want to start talking about some stupid people there. Ah yes, it was a waste of money getting my pedicure done on monday 'cause its scratched now already.

Bitching at macs went on for hours till we finally left at 7am. Seriously, i think i am so going to die. for not getting enough sleep, breathing in too much smoke and drinking way too much.

Good Morning people.

2006-12-20T14:31:00.000+08:00

Today, i finally woke up to a sunny day! :D

2006-12-19T01:20:00.000+08:00

6 more days to Christmas. I wish i can kick it away, hide from it or sleep through this joyous season. Because i am really not in the mood and even christmas trees do not delight me the way it is supposed to. All i care right now is saving up enough money. Like, money please come to me. I shall dream of bills and coins tonight.

Nevertheless, christmas dinner was good. I super heartheartheart the present that joanne made for me. Its like so fucking sweet can. (sweetheart, i love u deepdeep) & many thanks to yunyun for her thoughtful present. :)

2006-12-17T20:25:00.000+08:00

trying to put into words what i feel seems too difficult in such a situation. but i feel uneasy and sad, seeing the same people with different person, or different people with the same person. it happens to everyone i guess, no one stays the same forever.

:( no matter what, people always leave. for the better (or, not).

2006-12-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

ah, i am so sick of some people who are so arrogant and full of themselves.

2006-12-15T01:15:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, just in case.

To whichever nicey classmate whom picked me for gift exchange,

can i please NOT have chocolates? thankewwwww!
maybe cash will be great. wahaha!

lovelove,
san

2006-12-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

I made my way down to ikea today. Eating meatballs, chicken wings and hotdog buns even though my throst hurts like hell. I think i will lose my voice soon. & thats because stupid edwin havent tried the meatballs and chicken wings and i HAD to let him try.

I got some new stuff for my room. some photoframes, boxes and pen holder, which i'll use it to put all my makeup brushes. Still, my room lacks of a place to keep all my accessories.

okay, now i need a haircut and pedicure.

2006-12-13T15:15:00.000+08:00

I think i am so going mad already. Next week are the holidays and then the joyous-est x'mas is here. Two more days of horrible school to be done with, 2 more project deadlines, and then party the weekend away.

Its irritating to know that 2007 is nearing. Like freaking in less than a month. I feel sick about it. Somehow, i wonder why people are so goddamn happy about counting down to the next year. Every second thay count brings them one more second closer to death. & then, 2006 will be another year which i did not achieve anything much. Another year of which slipped past me so easily and meaninglessly. clinging on to people whom i should forget, crying in the nights where i should be sleeping soundly instead, not cherishing people who deserved so much more. Each year passes me and nothing has changed in my life. I dont feel like things have taken a turn for the better, but the number keeps on jumping. Im stuck in my own life while the world just keeps moving on. Im so afraid of new year.

I dont want a new year at all. New years are not fun, they just remind me of how useless i am.

2006-12-10T13:06:00.000+08:00

~~yay, i finally thought it through and i am happier.~~

when u lie to me, u're trying hard to convince yourself too. i know, i can hear it in your voice.

at times like this when u got the argument started. when u dont bother to explain when i've said something thats prolly hit the nail on the head. when u end the conversation. time and again. it makes alotof difference.

truth is, u should never have gotten the argument started. not at all.

2006-12-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

Its been going on for way too long. end it here, wont you?
If theres one thing u havent been doing, its letting me live.

cause every word(lie) u say, still pierces through my heart. & i rather u not say them at all.

2006-12-09T02:54:00.000+08:00

things are going downhill all of a sudden. and these few days havent been good. i dont think screaming into the phone is such a good idea anymore. it bothers only me eventually. random thoughts. looking at things, i dont think i will get my hands on your ps2 anytime soon. i dont even think i'll be talking to u or seeing u as much as last week. not that i care because i think u are so fucked up.

if eating chocolates at 2am kills, then im so dead. i wanna go out and get some photos taken. i am neglecting my coloursplash too much. x'mas decos are too lovely to miss. i have been wanting to go out and do some snapsnap since like forever. but then again, christmas will probably be plan-less and christmas doesnt feel christmasy without christmas trees. oh whatever.

this entry took me forever to finish, cause all of a sudden. i have difficulties expressing myself. enough of shitty nights. for now, i shall hide under the covers abit and seek some comfort in my carebear.

no more bright stars or forever.

2006-12-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

I made plans for yesterday to pack my room, tidy up my notes abit, and read some financial management. But waking up at 2.30pm makes me wanna laze around even more. So i spent the day watching teevee & thinking when will i ever get to go to ikea for meatballs&hotdogbunnns, when i'll ever go on a proper shopping trip and then some pedicure or something. i need more clothes like usual. i've grown sick of more than half my wardrobe.

Of course, with the company of:

i love chocopie(s).

then today, im almost convinced that im stupid. going to school at 8am for 2 hours and then coming back home to sleep. and i missed my law tutorial again. starbucks at tampines mall after school with ed and his friend. i think im going to be sick of starbucks for now.

now, i really like the ljcut.

2006-12-06T05:07:00.000+08:00

1) my head is spinning from the vodka, sexonthebeach, martini, and whisky.
2) but still, im sober enough. too sober in fact.
3) the night at attica was good nevertheless.

kays. goodnight now. i need to shower badly.

oh fuck la. 3) is a fucking lie. (okay fine, half a lie) & girlfriend, i like the song we sang all the way to the freaking toilet we went 3 times. & next time, include me in your backup plan.

--
and to add on, next time no matter what. i shant party if im sick. it makes me more cranky than usual

2006-12-04T21:46:00.001+08:00

in what sense, why and what?

2006-12-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

I think hard enough and realised that everything between us, they dont worth much. & makes me wonder when was i ever so easily contented. or was i just afraid that if i expected more, i would be further disappointed.

i fugured i never want to settle for anything less.

2006-12-02T23:03:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday to the best dad ever! :)

the 1 night stay at Mariott was so lovely.

the super soft and high bed and the sheets were so white. no wonder i slept till 12 and missed the breakfast. still, i miss my bed which explains why im home tonight. i hope my mom takes lovely pictures cause my stupid sis removed the mem card from the camera before my mom brought it out.

2006-11-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

With effect from now, i shall:

stop buying clothes, shoes, bags
stop drinking starbucks
stop wanting to eat at fancy places
stop looking at any thing online
stop buying chocolate and junk food in school
stop calling for macs delivery at night

start saving up for my branded
start spending only $3 a day for lunch.

Until the day i think i am rich enough.
--

Watched 2 movies in half a day and it was really like spending all my time outside in the cinema. I like Casino Royale, its prolly the one and only James Bond show that i watched. Open Season was funny, haha. but i think my cousin and i were even more funny (in a stupid way).

goodnight loves

2006-11-29T13:44:00.000+08:00

i am broke like anything and i am still spending like there is no tomorrow.
edwin loh, return me my 63bucks or i will hate u. haha. not as if u will see this but still, just in case.

finally, my 4.5" heels are here. no more people stepping my feet on the dance floor. yay-ness!

2006-11-28T18:19:00.000+08:00

Every word that people say, is so worthless. It doesnt mean a thing at all and will soon be forgotten the very next day.

maybe u are right, promises are meant to be broken. Time has brought us further apart when it wasnt meant to be like this. those days were indeed happier for me. now, new decisions have to be made.

2006-11-27T19:49:00.000+08:00

It wasnt till now that i know, i am so afraid of losing you. so freaking scared that u'll disappear from my life completely.

& now that i know, i hope its not too late.

2006-11-26T16:17:00.000+08:00

Last night was helluva fun except the fact that my phone died on me even before i reached mos. sweet revenge i guess, and a bit of a bad surprise for someone.

i swear i fall for sweet talks so damn fucking easily. which got me into real trouble with you. i guess we all betray.

--
u lie to me & i lie to you.
thats how we are living out our love.

2006-11-25T00:04:00.000+08:00

Eighteenth.

That day was spent catching a good movie, having everything planned, very late dinner at wala wala, eski bar, sins chocolate and cutting my birthday cake after 12. & this is an entry owed way too long. more pictures another time.

love!

2006-11-24T00:55:00.000+08:00

i am 18. i have too many people to cherish, too many dreams to catch, too many late nights to stay up, too many iloveu's to say, too many regrets to take back, too many insecurities, too many reminisces and too many people i dont want to let go.

but the only thing im short of is time.

I got my lovely presents from 07 today. & i could say i LOVE it alot, even though i didnt expected it. It makes it much of a lovely surprise just the way i like it. DEAREST BESTEST LOVELIEST 07, THANKS FOR THE PRESENTS! :D Todays been much of a boring day, im still not exactly in the mood for school. Headache didnt make it easier for me since i had to help my cousin with her grad night tmr, which leaves us no more than 10 mins to prepare and go out for the dinner.

Dinner was spent bitching around abit and thats when i realised we are really psychos. As in seriously, give us a few secs and we could come up with really interesting but sickeningly sick ways to torture people. Somehow, we got to the topic of the girl who was beaten up and half-stripped for seducing someone else's boyfriend. We wondered what we would have done if someone had taken our love away. Both of them decided it would be the guy's loss and they most probably wouldnt do anything. But for me, i wasnt sure what i'd do. Betrayal was something i never handled well. The thought of losing to someone whom i felt inferior to me, i just have to prove i'll win. Call me egoistic, i probably am in this case.

These chats have just made me realise that all these while, i knew clearly what i believed in and what i did not believe in. It was like a hard slap on the face, knowing its self denial trying to protect u for who u were the first time we met. But i did forget to remind myself, that people do change. & what i saw, did not make things better.

i still think its better to be loved, lover?

2006-11-23T00:46:00.000+08:00

I try my best to run away. yet, it doesnt seem to work. But i know what im doing. Its hard to get away from what im used to. all i need is time.

2006-11-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

Im so happy on wednesdays! Slept at 9.30 last night, waking up at 3am and going back to sleep again after checking my gmail and woke up at 1 this noon. tsk. im such a bummer. & i bought some chupa chups handphone charm thingy for fun since i didnt manage to get the harajuku lovers one. Its such a cutesie, i cant wait for it to be here so i can see what flavour i got.

2006-11-21T18:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, Singaporeans really piss me off. They are being so inconsiderate, kiasu and disgustingly uncivilised.

Especially when its early in the morning:

stupid people who refuse to move in to the middle of the cabin to make space.
& dumb people who push their way through the crowd just to be the first to get on the escalator. yet they FUCKING stand on the right and refuse to walk up, hence causing everyone whos genuinely in a rush being stuck. BLOODY ASSES. I was so pissed today. Imagine ten mins to nine and im still at outram rushing for my 9am lessons.

and i really hope to kill my lecturer. She sucks big time at teaching & insist i shouldnt read Seventeen when im 18. hell!

okay, its time to kill all stupid people in this world.

2006-11-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

I finally got my grey skinnies today after so so so long. I thought they were gonna be out of stock in my size. One week of waiting for alteration and additional 3 bucks shows how bad customer service is. Im broke again because i simply keep spending as if there is no tomorrow. I still wanna buy shoes.

MR results are not worth mentioning but im glad i passed, considering overall results suck too. & i skipped joe's lessons for the fourth time already. another awful day of school tomorrow.

love,
san

--
something cool!

2006-11-19T12:26:00.000+08:00

I had the worst sleep last night. Constant waking up, and then my tummy hurt so bad i was breaking out in cold sweat and practically thought i was going to die. So i cried. I hate it when i feel so vulnerable in the middle of the night.

i guess promises are still meant to be broken.

2006-11-18T13:42:00.000+08:00

Somehow things seems a little normal like that, but it still makes me feel upset and uneasy. Everything wont be as simple as you described. I saw it with my own eyes how it works in there. and its all betrayal.

2006-11-18T05:29:00.000+08:00

Heaven is coming back. drinking&dancing, plus caucasians with cute smiles.

My hair finally smells decent, i finally feel much fresher. Though i am hungry, i shall stick to my new diet.
Eat less and start to exercise.
JD and mango tea and sandwiches doesnt agree with one another.

ookay. party nights are hot. but being deprived of sleep is so uncool. which one do i choose?

2006-11-16T14:58:00.000+08:00

Blaw sucks big time. & i thought i did correctly. oh well. whatever is important now is that tomorrow's my last paper! *jumps around joyously
Even though i screwed up 3 out of 4 papers so far, i dont care.

WE ARE GOING PARTYING!
are we?

2006-11-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

Dont want to sound whiny, but still.. school is ruining me.

i swear i am so so so burned out. even though the trip to vivo yesterday did lifted my spirits abit. i want to spend some money and buy some stuff.

2006-11-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

'cause just reading her entries makes me sick. She doesnt know love. "& we met when we were 15" belongs to me, only. so please, dont even try to take my words and make it yours. it wont change a thing, definitely not his feelings for u.

i hate to say these, but i am seriously getting annoyed with people who doesnt have minds of their own. not only her, but others as well.

2006-11-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

MSTs suck

I have been sleeping at 5am and waking up at 1pm everyday. School life is sick beyond words. oh, imagine bathing in ice cold water after midnight just to keep yourself awake. and being stressed means eating lots of junkies and it means gaining even more weight.
why do we pay money to subject ourselves to such torture?

2006-11-11T19:18:00.000+08:00

but we met when we were 15

& thats 3 years of growing up together, making mistakes, learning and just being there for each other.

i wish the rain would stop. i want to buy my popcorn chicken.

2006-11-06T22:56:00.000+08:00

Fear in her eyes for the millionth time. It seemed like long ago, those days she deemed happiness. Time is at fault, no one else. Killing everyone mercilessly, blood is not seen but hearts are broken. But the world still moves on, & people still do not reveal themselves.

The clouds are disappearing, skies turned grey and flowers are dying. Her heart tells her its time to go home now, but her stubborn limbs refuses to let go. She might not hold on anymore.

& having said so much, im moving away from this scene. At least for now, i'll go write a diary.

2006-11-04T01:00:00.000+08:00

ours, we, us

& the supposedly 3 years

4th Nov is here for the 3rd time, & it feels weird. knowing that the night might be spent so differently if u were still here. I think time flies. Its a pity i wasted so much of it, doing things i never wanted to and saying things i wished i never did. It seems to be mocking at me every second of the day for not knowing where to go, for not knowing what i really want. Im 18 now, and its supposed to be all that i ever wanted when we were 15. I was wrong, so so wrong. & now, we are all changed into people we barely knew.

im afraid. im afraid of time. im afraid of missing out on the best things in life.

me, mine, I

& nowhere near u

2006-11-01T16:47:00.000+08:00

Its pouring heavily outside and a part of me secretly wish that the lightning would struck me somehow. it'd be the bestest freak accident ever happened. although it seems a lil impossible since im safely in my room, screaming my lungs out trying to make myslf known.

omg. i need to stop breathing. i need to stop living.