Life has proven itself to be unbearable once again. Everything is going the wrong way, there isnt even a right way to start with. Things are so complicated, and i mean really complicated. I cant handle it anymore. I dont even know whats happening. Im just afraid. So afraid i dont know what to think. I was about to get back my senses, yet, im trapped once again in such a situation. This is going to be the most difficult period of time for me. I hope im able survive past it.

My life is so much of a drama and everything has a chance of happening. I dont know what to do anymore. I just want to be alone so i dont have to pretend that i am okay, i dont have to repeat and explain every single thing that happened. Then again, i cant explain cause i dont know whats happening. i dont want to have to fake a smile at every joke people crack, i dont want to have to force back my tears halfway through a lecture. I dont want people to look at me with eyes so sad knowing im just trying to be happy or to wonder if i am a fool or an idiot in their opinion. I am lost and i dont know if i'll ever get things right. I cant trust a single word u tell me now. I dont even know what u are telling her/(them). The only thing that hurts is u wont be honest with me. (& its not even love between us) Im sick of guessing what is real. I was moving on till this had to happen. I dont need to be sensible anymore. everything is a vicious cycle.

i cant make u see, and nothing can be put into words. Im going insane and hell is what i am living through

6:20 PM

i cant believe everything is happening this way. & all that ever kept me going on is gone.

now, i dont even know what to do.

12:06 AM
1 danced

Happy birthday to me! & im finally 18, legally 18. Last night was fun in Chinaone and not so fun in mos where everyone were pushing and tripping each other. It was so little of dancing and more of toes-squashing.

i am so happy, that u were right in front of me when the clock striked 12. Everything is different with u around.

12:35 PM
3 danced

Okay lets talk about Halloween!

But I totally have no idea what to wear tomorrow, i so want my own jack'o lantern. oh & i want to be a vampiress :)

6:39 PM
0 danced

7:54 PM
2 danced

Please stop pretending that everythings okay.
We both know its not.

just tell me what u want and let me live.
Or are u still making use of me?

10:40 PM
0 danced

3:26 PM
0 danced

friday night:

lychee martini
sex on the beach
cranberry vodka
cranberry vodka
cranberry vodka
cranberry vodka
cranberry vodka
cranberry vodka
& more cranberry vodka

(& thats all that u people need to know) I dont know what is it about gstar angmohs and me... i think its so much of a coincidence.

sat night:

polaroids
sparklers
my sis's 21st birthday chalet
chocolate mousse cake
people,friends,relatives
crabs!
and somewhat of a surprise.

wah. my overly exciting weekend.

4:18 PM
4 danced

the night sets in again, & all the emo-ness gets to me. I really wonder why. Life doesnt seem that bad when i dont think about it. In fact, it is really so screwed up and meaningless when i think hard enough

i just want to hide from this world and stop pretending.

12:59 AM
0 danced

& everything has gone beyond words could describe.

I wish i have an affirmation to everything im dying to know. Its tearing me up, right inside. Please let me go.

6:34 PM
0 danced

----
You took half the world away with you says:
i hate life
You took half the world away with you says:
life is pain and sucky. yet we have to live through it
««™▬ YONGQI ▬™»» ♥★ says:
and thats why you thot of the best way to die
---

it makes so much sense yet i never realised till she mentioned it. no wonder people get sick of living.

1:01 AM
0 danced

Thats it. I managed to spend money again despite staying home. ASOS is far too tempting & i dint even get half of everything i wanted. Being poor is such a torture. i still owe my sister 70bucks :X

Weekends arent supposed to be wasted staying at home. Yet, i have been home for today and yesterday and i never managed to study any bit or did any of my tutorials. I just enjoy lazing around, watching telly and doing online shopping too much. im turning into a bummer.

5:44 PM
0 danced

I stayed in bed most of the time today and finished up the last bit of P.S I Love You. A very good read that got me smiling and sobbing every now and then.

I figured i never want to lose anyone.

7:33 PM
0 danced

Something's happening to me. I feel so bloody unsettled! Its like a thousand things are running through my mind and i cant exactly point out what they are. Its like hundreds of random thoughts come and go within 10 seconds.

I need to calm myself down. Not physically, but mentally. Its driving me nuts.

8:10 PM
2 danced

I think the world is turning upside down and everyones going crazy. The auntie from the drink stall is mad, the cleaners are mad and even yongqi almost turn cranky. Snapping off at little things and grumbling and then laughing the next moment. Haha. But i know she dint mean it though. But the main point is, people are going crazy. I think we got too caught up in taking pictures today we just snapped and snapped all the way from fc4 back to sb. and continued in the lib.

i really hate thurs though. 8 to 5 lessons will never be made any better even though there's like 3 hrs break in between. But today is the only 1 out of 3 financial management tutorials which i DID not sleep at all. For one moment i thought coffee wasnt going to work. Finally went back to return my uniform to ivan and talked abit with him. Sort of miss his nonsense, a lot in fact. Went down to sushi tei with my parents and sister for my mom's birthday dinner. I like the waffle ice cream! :D

10:34 PM
1 danced

ohmygod. its killing me that i have to go back to school for that 1 hour of compulsory talk on golf. My dad would be pleased to hear that though. But still, travelling for 40 mins just for that talk. it sucks.

& i am so angry there are actually such stupid people out there.

12:25 AM
0 danced

I got back most of my simple kind of happiness yesterday. I met up with sweet for some retail therapy before going over to meet vanessa and the rest for her celebration.

Meeting up with sweet would always bring a smile to my face. My bestie, for ever. We got so excited taking sticker photos like we always did in sec school. & its a pity both of us lost our wallets which contained the ones we took last time. Yesterday made up for it. We behaved like little girls laughing and designing the photos. I miss all these. The major reason why i never liked growing up.

It was more of chatting, laughing and cam whoring at Changing Appetites last night.

2:02 PM
0 danced

The weathers been crazy recently and the haze is making everyone sick. My headache is back for 2 days already and its driving me nuts. I cant wake up for morning lessons and all i ever do is sleep in school cause my head hurts so bad.

Had steamboat today at home, just 5 people. But still, ate quite abit and everyones happy including daddy 'cause i am home for dinner. I am sick of sushi and steamboat and hotpot or whatever already.



maybe life's not always a bitch.

8:49 PM
2 danced

Hello fourth, its you again.

& i know supposed to be missing u the most today. But the alcohol got me sleeping so soundly, i even forgot to dream about u last night. Someday im going to forget how much this date means to me.

11:49 AM

I am going insane already. Seeing you so coincidentally made my heart skipped a beat, cause i am so afraid i dont know what to do. & i almost killed myself for turning around so quickly. Now im glad i didnt stay to talk. Dont even try to manipulate me anymore. Or my mind.

i wont fall for it again

10:52 PM
4 danced

1:24 PM
0 danced

let's run off to the makebelieve world




i like mysteries, late nights out, love, fashion, style, music, pictures & magic.



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