rouged portraits

With effect from now, i shall:

stop buying clothes, shoes, bags
stop drinking starbucks
stop wanting to eat at fancy places
stop looking at any thing online
stop buying chocolate and junk food in school
stop calling for macs delivery at night

start saving up for my branded
start spending only $3 a day for lunch.

Until the day i think i am rich enough.
--

Watched 2 movies in half a day and it was really like spending all my time outside in the cinema. I like Casino Royale, its prolly the one and only James Bond show that i watched. Open Season was funny, haha. but i think my cousin and i were even more funny (in a stupid way).

goodnight loves

10:06 PM
2 danced

i am broke like anything and i am still spending like there is no tomorrow.
edwin loh, return me my 63bucks or i will hate u. haha. not as if u will see this but still, just in case.

finally, my 4.5" heels are here. no more people stepping my feet on the dance floor. yay-ness!

1:44 PM
0 danced

Every word that people say, is so worthless. It doesnt mean a thing at all and will soon be forgotten the very next day.

maybe u are right, promises are meant to be broken. Time has brought us further apart when it wasnt meant to be like this. those days were indeed happier for me. now, new decisions have to be made.

6:19 PM
0 danced

It wasnt till now that i know, i am so afraid of losing you. so freaking scared that u'll disappear from my life completely.

& now that i know, i hope its not too late.

7:49 PM
5 danced

Last night was helluva fun except the fact that my phone died on me even before i reached mos. sweet revenge i guess, and a bit of a bad surprise for someone.

i swear i fall for sweet talks so damn fucking easily. which got me into real trouble with you. i guess we all betray.

--
u lie to me & i lie to you.
thats how we are living out our love.

4:17 PM
0 danced

Eighteenth.

That day was spent catching a good movie, having everything planned, very late dinner at wala wala, eski bar, sins chocolate and cutting my birthday cake after 12. & this is an entry owed way too long. more pictures another time.

love!

12:04 AM
0 danced

i am 18. i have too many people to cherish, too many dreams to catch, too many late nights to stay up, too many iloveu's to say, too many regrets to take back, too many insecurities, too many reminisces and too many people i dont want to let go.

but the only thing im short of is time.

I got my lovely presents from 07 today. & i could say i LOVE it alot, even though i didnt expected it. It makes it much of a lovely surprise just the way i like it. DEAREST BESTEST LOVELIEST 07, THANKS FOR THE PRESENTS! :D Todays been much of a boring day, im still not exactly in the mood for school. Headache didnt make it easier for me since i had to help my cousin with her grad night tmr, which leaves us no more than 10 mins to prepare and go out for the dinner.

Dinner was spent bitching around abit and thats when i realised we are really psychos. As in seriously, give us a few secs and we could come up with really interesting but sickeningly sick ways to torture people. Somehow, we got to the topic of the girl who was beaten up and half-stripped for seducing someone else's boyfriend. We wondered what we would have done if someone had taken our love away. Both of them decided it would be the guy's loss and they most probably wouldnt do anything. But for me, i wasnt sure what i'd do. Betrayal was something i never handled well. The thought of losing to someone whom i felt inferior to me, i just have to prove i'll win. Call me egoistic, i probably am in this case.

These chats have just made me realise that all these while, i knew clearly what i believed in and what i did not believe in. It was like a hard slap on the face, knowing its self denial trying to protect u for who u were the first time we met. But i did forget to remind myself, that people do change. & what i saw, did not make things better.

i still think its better to be loved, lover?

12:55 AM
0 danced

I try my best to run away. yet, it doesnt seem to work. But i know what im doing. Its hard to get away from what im used to. all i need is time.

12:46 AM
0 danced

Im so happy on wednesdays! Slept at 9.30 last night, waking up at 3am and going back to sleep again after checking my gmail and woke up at 1 this noon. tsk. im such a bummer. & i bought some chupa chups handphone charm thingy for fun since i didnt manage to get the harajuku lovers one. Its such a cutesie, i cant wait for it to be here so i can see what flavour i got.

2:50 PM
0 danced

Sometimes, Singaporeans really piss me off. They are being so inconsiderate, kiasu and disgustingly uncivilised.

Especially when its early in the morning:

stupid people who refuse to move in to the middle of the cabin to make space.
& dumb people who push their way through the crowd just to be the first to get on the escalator. yet they FUCKING stand on the right and refuse to walk up, hence causing everyone whos genuinely in a rush being stuck. BLOODY ASSES. I was so pissed today. Imagine ten mins to nine and im still at outram rushing for my 9am lessons.

and i really hope to kill my lecturer. She sucks big time at teaching & insist i shouldnt read Seventeen when im 18. hell!

okay, its time to kill all stupid people in this world.

6:36 PM
2 danced

I finally got my grey skinnies today after so so so long. I thought they were gonna be out of stock in my size. One week of waiting for alteration and additional 3 bucks shows how bad customer service is. Im broke again because i simply keep spending as if there is no tomorrow. I still wanna buy shoes.

MR results are not worth mentioning but im glad i passed, considering overall results suck too. & i skipped joe's lessons for the fourth time already. another awful day of school tomorrow.

love,
san

--
something cool!

10:47 PM
0 danced

I had the worst sleep last night. Constant waking up, and then my tummy hurt so bad i was breaking out in cold sweat and practically thought i was going to die. So i cried. I hate it when i feel so vulnerable in the middle of the night.

i guess promises are still meant to be broken.

12:26 PM
0 danced

Somehow things seems a little normal like that, but it still makes me feel upset and uneasy. Everything wont be as simple as you described. I saw it with my own eyes how it works in there. and its all betrayal.

1:42 PM
3 danced

Heaven is coming back. drinking&dancing, plus caucasians with cute smiles.

My hair finally smells decent, i finally feel much fresher. Though i am hungry, i shall stick to my new diet.
Eat less and start to exercise.
JD and mango tea and sandwiches doesnt agree with one another.

ookay. party nights are hot. but being deprived of sleep is so uncool. which one do i choose?

5:29 AM
0 danced

Blaw sucks big time. & i thought i did correctly. oh well. whatever is important now is that tomorrow's my last paper! *jumps around joyously
Even though i screwed up 3 out of 4 papers so far, i dont care.

WE ARE GOING PARTYING!
are we?

2:58 PM
0 danced

Dont want to sound whiny, but still.. school is ruining me.

i swear i am so so so burned out. even though the trip to vivo yesterday did lifted my spirits abit. i want to spend some money and buy some stuff.

11:03 PM
0 danced

'cause just reading her entries makes me sick. She doesnt know love. "& we met when we were 15" belongs to me, only. so please, dont even try to take my words and make it yours. it wont change a thing, definitely not his feelings for u.

i hate to say these, but i am seriously getting annoyed with people who doesnt have minds of their own. not only her, but others as well.

10:40 PM

MSTs suck

I have been sleeping at 5am and waking up at 1pm everyday. School life is sick beyond words. oh, imagine bathing in ice cold water after midnight just to keep yourself awake. and being stressed means eating lots of junkies and it means gaining even more weight.
why do we pay money to subject ourselves to such torture?

10:37 PM
1 danced

but we met when we were 15

& thats 3 years of growing up together, making mistakes, learning and just being there for each other.

i wish the rain would stop. i want to buy my popcorn chicken.

7:18 PM
0 danced

Fear in her eyes for the millionth time. It seemed like long ago, those days she deemed happiness. Time is at fault, no one else. Killing everyone mercilessly, blood is not seen but hearts are broken. But the world still moves on, & people still do not reveal themselves.

The clouds are disappearing, skies turned grey and flowers are dying. Her heart tells her its time to go home now, but her stubborn limbs refuses to let go. She might not hold on anymore.

& having said so much, im moving away from this scene. At least for now, i'll go write a diary.

10:56 PM
2 danced

ours, we, us

& the supposedly 3 years

4th Nov is here for the 3rd time, & it feels weird. knowing that the night might be spent so differently if u were still here. I think time flies. Its a pity i wasted so much of it, doing things i never wanted to and saying things i wished i never did. It seems to be mocking at me every second of the day for not knowing where to go, for not knowing what i really want. Im 18 now, and its supposed to be all that i ever wanted when we were 15. I was wrong, so so wrong. & now, we are all changed into people we barely knew.

im afraid. im afraid of time. im afraid of missing out on the best things in life.

me, mine, I

& nowhere near u

1:00 AM
1 danced

Its pouring heavily outside and a part of me secretly wish that the lightning would struck me somehow. it'd be the bestest freak accident ever happened. although it seems a lil impossible since im safely in my room, screaming my lungs out trying to make myslf known.

omg. i need to stop breathing. i need to stop living.

4:47 PM