Life has proven itself to be unbearable once again. Everything is going the wrong way, there isnt even a right way to start with. Things are so complicated, and i mean really complicated. I cant handle it anymore. I dont even know whats happening. Im just afraid. So afraid i dont know what to think. I was about to get back my senses, yet, im trapped once again in such a situation. This is going to be the most difficult period of time for me. I hope im able survive past it.
My life is so much of a drama and everything has a chance of happening. I dont know what to do anymore. I just want to be alone so i dont have to pretend that i am okay, i dont have to repeat and explain every single thing that happened. Then again, i cant explain cause i dont know whats happening. i dont want to have to fake a smile at every joke people crack, i dont want to have to force back my tears halfway through a lecture. I dont want people to look at me with eyes so sad knowing im just trying to be happy or to wonder if i am a fool or an idiot in their opinion. I am lost and i dont know if i'll ever get things right. I cant trust a single word u tell me now. I dont even know what u are telling her/(them). The only thing that hurts is u wont be honest with me. (& its not even love between us) Im sick of guessing what is real. I was moving on till this had to happen. I dont need to be sensible anymore. everything is a vicious cycle.
i cant make u see, and nothing can be put into words. Im going insane and hell is what i am living through
